I make excuses about my rehabilitation process. I’m committed and disciplined, but I’m also a human being and I make excuses. I blogged about keeping my regime consistent during my work placement, but I didn’t go to pilates for that whole month. I did a lot of walking and stair-climbing, but those two activities don’t make up for a lull in my pilates practice. My excuses had to do with time, distance, available classes, and prioritizing work, but they were just that: excuses. I felt guilty about it, but not guilty enough to get off my arse and ‘make things work’ as I promised I would.
One of my main goals in writing about my therapy is to inspire people to get on and do stuff. I don’t think my story would be half as interesting if there weren’t times – and periods of time – that I didn’t fall down or fall on my face (even when I am working hard to get on and do stuff). My story wouldn’t be as hopeful if I were consistent all the way through and absolutely error-free. Even the most well-trained experienced athletes make mistakes. Yogis fall out of poses all the time. Dancers stumble. Figure skaters take spills. Gymnasts don’t ‘stick it’. I have a hard time accepting that these things are natural, bound to happen, and part of being human.
I can’t go back and change the fact that I didn’t do pilates while I was working at a publishing house. I just have to get on with it and go back to pilates and get back into the rhythm I was in while in classes. There is no use in berating myself for the excuses – even though I can’t justify the break with the fact that I needed a break because I didn’t – and I have to go back to work. I need to find a new pilates studio to work at during whichever summer placement I get (with a literary agency or a dictionary distributor) and I have to build a practice there for the sake of everything that caused me to make excuses: time, energy, a commute, available classes, and commitment to other things like editorial work. I need to keep going and keep my eyes on the prize.