I had a soothing yoga class tonight after a productive and happy day. I felt much better about yoga and I felt like I fed my body and my soul through the experience. I understand through this practice that I would do yoga even if I didn’t have cerebral palsy and were using it as a method of cure therapy. I would do it for the sake of health and because it makes me feel good.
I am happier since I started yoga and it has changed how I present myself and how I interact with people. I went to my old work today to visit a colleague and wish her happy birthday. I feel like I have changed so much since I worked there (even though that was the best work experience I have ever had). I feel that I could get even more out of it and be even happier if I worked there now. I think I would bring more assuredness and confidence to both the work environment and the work I produce for them. I am starting to feel more consistently happy with myself as a person and more grounded in the person I would like to be.
I am a very insecure person and my self esteem used to be almost entirely dependent on what other people thought of me. I have found some strength in myself lately and I am not as reliant on other people’s external validation and support. I think I have shown myself that my body is stronger and more capable than I believe it is, and that has given me some internally motivated positive reinforcement.
I think the difference between last night’s class and tonight’s class is that I tried too hard in last night’s class. I really wanted to do well and I tried too hard, berating myself when I couldn’t do what I wanted to do. Tonight, I was gentler on myself and allowed myself to flow through the work. I tried not to get upset or angry when I couldn’t do certain poses well or to their full extent. I tried to do the work for myself rather than for someone else’s approval or validation, and that allowed me to relax into it even when it was challenging.
I like the differences from class to class in this form of yoga. Where bikram is the same every single time – down to the language – vinyasa allows for more openness in the repritoire of poses, and I like the opportunity to do different ones every time and to open and challenge my body in new sequences every time. I can actually feel that my legs and spine are more flexible. I can bend further towards my toes and the tightness behind my knees has decreased. The progress I have made pushes me to work harder and to maintain a consistent yoga practice past my thirty introductory days. It feels too good to stop or even to miss a day of it.