I was unsuccessful in securing a paid internship I really wanted. I understand why I wasn’t chosen, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. I found out on Friday morning and cried for the rest of the day, more out of frustration than anything else. Instead of picking myself up and carrying on, I folded into myself and allowed myself to be stuck in my sadness and stress. Yesterday, my massage therapist said that my body was extremely tight, stiff, and hard to work on. She informed me that I must have slept badly. I agreed; people who have shared beds with me have told me that I toss and turn all night, which could explain why I often wake up tired and stressed rather than rested and happy. I spent most of the weekend feeling discouraged.
I forced myself to go to yoga tonight, thinking I would have a hard class since I felt very stiff beforehand, but I had the best yoga class I have ever had. It flowed well and I felt more powerful and capable than I had in previous classes. It was a really good way to end a disappointing and lonely weekend. If I had a job interview right at this very moment, I am certain I would land the position because I feel confident and I know I would present confidently.
I used to rely almost entirely on other people’s external validation for my strength and self esteem. Yoga has helped me to find my own strength and internal validation rather than looking to others for support. I trust my body more and I feel myself getting better, so I have more trust myself as a whole. I believe that I will be able to find more work and that I have finally found my career path, and that I can build a consistent yoga practice around the demands of a job. This comes partially from progressing with yoga and partially from taking on a new form of yoga for myself and not for anyone else (or to appease anyone else). I am completely accountable to the commitment and to my own health and that has made me stronger.